You've got this. Just don't screw it up.
There's a certain inevitability about drinking during the holidays: You
will probably do too much of it, you will probably say something embarrassing in front of a family member you haven't seen in four years, and you will definitely, definitely be taking a lot of daytime naps in that week between Christmas and New Year's Eve.
Unless you're one of those superheroes who doesn't drink ANY time of year, it's hard not to totally overdo it at Christmas: It gets dark around 7 p.m., making you want to drink. You invariably have to spend a lot of your time hanging out with people you unfriended on Facebook seven months ago, making you want to drink.
Half the fucking songs playing everywhere right now are about wine or cider or whatever, making you absolutely want one of those. But there's the cozy, idealized version of holiday day drinking, and then there is the stark, cold reality, which results in you waking up at 5 a.m. in your creaking childhood twin bed with a pounding headache.
Here's what to remember to keep things on the "here we come a-wassailing" cheery end of the spectrum.
Assess the Situation
The first thing you're gonna want to do is identify the kind of holiday
you're dealing with. Are you coming home for the first time in a while
and doing the rounds with bunches of friends/family you haven't seen
in a while? Are you staying put and just... hanging out? Are you going
to spend it with a significant other?
If it's the first kind, you're in luck, because everyone is as bored and
nervous as you are. Without fail, prosecco will be flowing at family
events, but those things are delicious and pack an odd, surprising punch
if you go too fast. It can be tempting to overdo it in the name of getting
this all over with, but please remember two simple truths:
1) Getting blackout in front of your extended family will be a story that sticks to you for all recorded time hence, and
2) You can just straight-up leave whenever you want anyway. Even if dad drove, just like the old days. Uber's a thing now. You have an escape.
Take Breaks
There are, obviously, steadfast drinking rules that have stood the test of
time, and it is more vital than ever to adhere to them: keep switching to
water every other drink or so (hell, do your best to only drink every
other DAY, if you can), keep eating, and most certainly stop the minute
you start crushing on your high school enemy's cousin in the bar on
Christmas Eve.
If you're spending Christmas with a significant other, this also creates a
great opportunity to both stretch your legs and show off any neat drink-
making tricks you've picked up along the way by mixing drinks for
other people. Everyone will love that you know how to properly handle
and use a cocktail shaker. Make something cool for everyone—it'll keep
you busy and earn you some serious points.
Timing Is Everything
The perfect time to start day drinking during the holidays is 3 p.m. This
isn't an opinion, it's science. At 3 p.m., the sun is just about setting
already, and you've lived enough of your day that a drink feels earned.
Even after a couple, it'll be dark out and you can either take a quick
nap or have some food. It's foolproof. I could tell you to try to wait until
3 p.m.-ish on any given day to start the festivities, but we know that's
unrealistic. Just, keep it in mind.
All of this advice, as does any advice, changes if you're having one of
those meditative but not necessarily sad solo holidays, that you see in
films sometimes. In this case, it's perfectly acceptable to start whenever
you want, especially on Christmas Day itself. Buy a nice thing of
grapefruit juice and have yourself a greyhound party while you Skype
your relatives from the safety of your own home.
The holidays are a time for happiness, togetherness, and love. But, shit,
that's awfully hard to achieve at the best of times. Don't be afraid to
deputize when you need a little help.
© GQ
