Many of us do, from time to time, cross paths with couples that make you think: "But why are these two still together even under such unhappy circumstances?"
We ask ourselves this question usually in the backdrop of what we see as a reality of an untenable situation with a string of terrible experiences we may have witnessed in their marriage.
Well, first of all, it's none of our business. Second, the fact that someone can stay in what we may classify as, unhappy, doesn't mean such unhappiness is universal.
And whatever we call unhappy for us, doesn't necessarily mean it should outweigh everything else.
But whatever our brain decides is the primary justification for remaining in a badlooking marriage, most of these boil down to a handful of reasons:
Children
This is perhaps the most common reason couples give for continuing with a self-proclaimed unhappy marriage. There's the fear of depriving minor children of an intact two-parent family.
Also, they don't know how their children will respond to a divorce; or are scared of losing the relationship with them post-divorce.
Once we become parents, much of our decision-making is focused on how a particular decision will affect our children.
However, the jury is still out as to whether it is the presence of two married parents that benefits the mental health and physical safety of the child, or whether it is the presence of having two adults actively parenting that provides the benefits.
Finances
Though the most recent stats reveal that more women initiate divorce today than ever before, it's also true that women have more insecurity around financial provision than men.
And for other cases, perhaps there isn't enough money to support two households or to maintain a lifestyle that one or both spouses have come to value.
Perhaps the couple has come to this place of quiet desperation during retirement when the distractions of work and children are gone, and budgeting on a fixed income seems to preclude the expense of divorce.
Perhaps there are children at university, so both parents hesitate to make any move that would threaten family financial stability.
The fear of being impoverished by divorce or living in diminished circumstances overshadows their marital distress.
Religious beliefs and shame
These two often go together in this circumstance. People whose concept of their Deity is one that completely forbids divorce or regards it, at best, as a shameful choice, are not likely to see parting as a viable option.
Even among some atheists or agnostics, the shame of failure, of admitting publicly that one is failing at marriage, can keep people stuck in relationships where love and connection have ceased to exist.
Fear
Going from married life to single life is a huge change. Living on your own can be frightening if you have been used to living with someone for years.
There's fear of the unknown: surviving alone or as a single parent, the risk that one will grow old lonely, that love will never happen again. There's also the other fear that keeps one from taking the plunge.
The nasty one. The threat of physical violence, further emotional abuse, harming your children by depriving them of a nuclear family, and concern about how friends and family will perceive them are commonly cited reasons people may choose to stay in an unhappy marriage.
Many men have a fear they could lose custody of their children or won't have as much access to them as they used to.
